Over the past five years, I’ve had the joy of working at the intersection of career and parenthood, and it’s a space I truly love. Yet, when I share what I do with others, there’s often this moment where people pause, trying to make sense of how these two worlds—career coaching and mental health—come together. It’s almost like they see them as two separate lanes: career in one, parenthood and mental health in the other.
But I think this division is artificial—and frankly, it’s not helping. It creates this pressure-cooker effect, where we’re constantly told to find “balance.”
The reality? We’re the same people at work as we are at home—our brains, bodies, and experiences are all interconnected. Sure, different roles ask us to highlight certain parts of ourselves or mask others, but we’re still navigating life as a whole person, juggling career, parenthood, and relationships.
One thing I’ve noticed repeatedly is how much our jobs influence stress, tension, and distance in marriage. I get to work with clients who have fascinating careers, but often, their partners are equally career-driven. And sometimes, that professional dedication leads to conflict. Disagreements pop up around not feeling valued or appreciated for their role at work or sensing that their partner is giving their best energy to their job instead of the marriage or parenting.
In dual-career couples, the competition between partners can subtly creep in, adding distance or even toxicity. Then, when you throw kids into the mix, you’ve got a recipe for blame, imbalance, and miscommunication about what each person needs and offers.
So, what can we do about it?
As a therapist, I’ve been taught to hold onto hope for my clients—and I embrace that role wholeheartedly. But it’s not about blind optimism. I’ve seen firsthand how couples can become true partners in supporting each other’s careers. When they start to witness and appreciate each other’s professional journeys, something beautiful happens. They feel more connected and satisfied because, let’s face it, career and financial stability matter to our mental health.
But supporting each other in our careers requires certain skills. What kind of skills, you ask?
The Gottmans, John and Julie, are well-known for their research and insights on relationships, and their work is just as relevant when it comes to career-related tension in marriage. Here are some principles I’ve found particularly helpful:
- Nurture Fondness and Admiration
This means developing a deep respect for your partner’s career path and the daily challenges they face. We’re often taught that it’s healthier to keep work and home separate, but in reality, this can lead to a disconnect. I often hear partners say, “I don’t really know what they do,” or “I don’t ask because I feel resentful.” While those emotions are valid, especially if work feels like it’s taking priority over home life, it’s important to acknowledge that our careers are central to our identities. Sharing work experiences can be a powerful way to connect—helping each other decompress, strategize, and even dream together. - Let Your Partner Influence You
This takes the first point a step further. Many of the couples I work with are highly skilled and experienced in their careers. They could really benefit from each other’s perspectives—whether it’s navigating a tricky boss, improving efficiency, or managing stress at work. But to do this, both partners need to be vulnerable and open to feedback, which can be tough. It takes gentleness and trust to offer—and receive—advice from the person you share your life with. - Create Shared Meaning
If you’ve read any of my other blog posts, you know I’m all about identifying what truly matters to us in life—whether as parents, professionals, or partners. Creating shared meaning is all about aligning your values and building a “community of two,” as Gottman calls it. But so often, we leave our careers out of these conversations. What role do you want work to play in your lives? What values guide your professional and personal decisions? Service? Creativity? Financial stability? Identifying these values can help you connect more deeply and build a life that reflects your shared priorities.
Starting in January 2025, I’ll be offering couples therapy to help dual-career parents strengthen their communication and connection. If you’re interested in learning more, schedule a free 15-minute consultation to see if I might be a good fit for your needs. Traditions. Design.